Tag Archives: Homeless People

Joseph Varet Joins Media District BID Board, Announces Impending Weltreisezielkunstheit of Highland Avenue, Ignores Homeless

Joseph Varet, who "approach[es] life as a kind of experiential art form," in the act of not thinking about how many homeless people per day his gallery will consume.
Joseph Varet of Various Small Fires, who “approach[es] life as a kind of experiential art form,” in the act of not worrying at all about how many homeless people per day his gallery and the galleries of his colleagues will consume.
At their meeting on November 20, 2014, the Hollywood Media District BID expanded the size of its Board of Directors from 17 to 19 in order to accommodate two new members. You can watch here as one of them, Joseph Varet, introduces himself to the board.

Here’s the story. Joseph and his wife, Esther Kim, whose marriage was the subject of a surreally sycophantic New York Times article in 2011,1 moved here from Houston or some other place east of San Bernardino sometime roughly around last week, and started a gallery named after an Ed Ruscha project, Various Small Fires. “After all, these are two people who approach life as a kind of experiential art form.”1 First they ran it out of their big-ass house in Venice2 but more recently moved it to a newly-purchased and renovated building at 812 Highland.

It seems that, according to Joseph, all the best contemporary art galleries in the universe are moving to this neighborhood like a bunch of sheep in the wake of Regen Projects’s 2012 relocation to Highland and Santa Monica. Joseph speaks at length about the impending Weltreisezielmodernenkunstheit of the area, which is about 4 blocks from where the Greater West Hollywood Food Coalition does its nightly mitzvah. The GWHFC is opposed in this by the Media District BID with lawsuits, subversive attempts to outlaw sharing food in public, whining, disgraceful letters to the editor, and probably any number of other shameful tactics. Of course, Joseph, whose wife has “never caught him in a lie,”1 mentions none of this. What, after all, do hunger, suffering, misery, have to do with “developing the district in a positive and sustainable way?” “It’s the damage that we do and never know. It’s the words that we don’t say that scare me so.”3

You can read a complete transcript of Joseph’s remarks after the break. We were going to mock them in detail but our modest abilities can’t even touch the speech’s inherent auto-mock functionality. Read it and weep for your city, Angelenos.
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Cap’n John Irigoyen: Think of the Children! But Don’t Worry, Kids Aren’t Frightened by the LA Gay and Lesbian Center

Captain John Irigoyen of Universal Protective Services at the Hollywood Media District BID Board meeting of November 20, 2014
Captain John Irigoyen of Universal Protective Services at the Hollywood Media District BID Board meeting of November 20, 2014
Really, Cap’n John? Why’d you bring it up then, given that no sane person would ever suspect that they would be? Methinks the Cap’n doth protest too much. Our diagnosis is unintentional apophasis in the first degree.

But of course, you don’t know what we’re talking about. Let us explain. At their meeting on November 20, 2014, the Hollywood Media District BID expanded the size of its Board of Directors from 17 to 19 members1 because they had two open spots and four applicants for them and why should they choose when they don’t have to? As the Dodo Bird said, “EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.” One of the candidates involved in this board-packing maneuver was a perfectly nice-seeming fellow who was sent over by the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, on Schrader between Hollywood and Selma, about three blocks east of McCadden.
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Hollywood Media District Goes Full CYA, Approves Falsified Minutes

Richard Nixon takes break from crying over spilt milk in Hell, speaks from grave, reminding one and all that the coverup is worse than the crime
Richard Nixon takes a break from crying over spilt milk in the republic of Hell to speak from the grave, reminding one and all that the coverup is worse than the crime
Long-time readers of this blog will recall that on October 23, 2014, Sharyn Romano of the Hollywood Beautification Team essentially confessed on camera that she turns a blind eye to the criminal activities of her subordinates. We spent the last month feverishly anticipating the minutes of that meeting, wondering what fantastical description of this faux pas might be presented.

The safest thing, and what we were expecting, would have been to just not mention the hateful affair at all. Meeting minutes are a record of what was done in the meeting rather than a transcript of everything that was said. Since Sharyn’s report didn’t contain any action items it would have been totally reasonable to just note that she gave a report. But, for whatever reason, that’s not what happened.
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Steve Seyler, Vodka Nazi

Steve Seyler, the Vodka Nazi
Steve Seyler, the Vodka Nazi
If you read through Security Kahuna Steve Seyler’s reports to the Joint Security Committee of the Hollywood Entertainment District BID and the Sunset-Vine BID you will notice, among many other weirdly inappropriate obsessions displayed by the man in his semi-literate prose, a fixation on the brands of alcohol that his victims are drinking when arrested. When his officers take their trophy pictures of arrestees they hold the open containers in the frame with the brand visible, and Seyler evidently can’t resist giving his opinion. What this has to do with law enforcement we don’t know.

Anyway, Seyler’s bête noire is something called Taaka Vodka. He has effectively criminalized its possession in the BID-occupied areas of Hollywood:12014.07.07.seyler.vodka.1

He’s also obsessed with a brand of vodka called Borski, to the point where he seems overjoyed that it was involved in the BID patrol’s thousandth arrest of 2013:3
2013.12.09.seyler.vodka.2

Seyler has, like the guy whose hat graces his head in the satirical picture above, evidently inspired his officers to form a mystical cult whose rituals include some kind of idolatry involving Taaka:2
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Hollywood Property Owners Alliance Schemes to Prevent Second Coming of Jesus

HPOA: Not on our watch you don't, Mr. Jesus!
HPOA: Not on our watch you don’t, Mr. Jesus!
At its October 16, 2014, meeting, the Hollywood Property Owners Alliance approved a creepy little number known as the 2014-15-WORK-PLAN-FINAL-VERSION1-1. We’ll have a lot more to say about this unfortunately-not-remarkable document in the future. Today we discuss some of its theological implications.
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Los Angeles, the Great White Spot of America

May Company advertisement from the Los Angeles Times on May 17, 1925
Racially charged May Company advertisement from the Los Angeles Times on May 17, 1925. Click to embiggen.
Yes, friends, it’s true. Los Angeles, now the most ethnically diverse place in the United States,1 was once known as “the great white spot of America.”2 Look at the May Company advert there to your right. Read the fine print:


White, the dominant note in the season’s fashions! The cool, pure, fresh, tubable3 white, that will give such splendid service, and such satisfaction in this charming city of the Southland!

Trade and fashion journals have long predicted the vogue of white. Paris has acclaimed it! Los Angeles has accepted it! And the fad is on! Never could a fresher fashion predominate. White, with its cool freshness and Summery appeal, is particularly suited to Los Angeles, the great white spot of America.

You can’t make this stuff up, although really, who’d want to?
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A Pot to Piss In

NOTE (December 2015): Please read this retraction to provide context to this post. We remain right about many of the issues discussed, but we were dead wrong about the BID’s opposition to public toilets. They support them.

A public urinal in Paris, France c. 1865
A public urinal in Paris, France c. 1865
The Hollywood Property Owners Alliance is really, really, really opposed to people pissing on the streets of Hollywood. They’re so opposed that in 2013 they spent over $132,000 to combat it, at approximately $1500 per pissing incident.1 Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. It’s safe to assume that the HPOA BIDs have their hearts dead set against public pissing.

But why are all these people pissing in the streets?
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Sidewalk With BID Patrol

Image from Steve Seyler's September 8, 2014 report to the Joint Security Committee of the Hollywood BIDs
Image from Steve Seyler’s September 8, 2014 report to the Joint Security Committee of the Hollywood BIDs
Our faithful readers will have been delving eagerly into Steve Seyler’s reports to the Joint Security Committee as we’ve made them available. The image to the right is typical of the weirdly voyeuristic self-serving propaganda that fills these documents.

Seyler is, of course, speaking to his bosses, so he has to make sure they understand what they’re getting for their money. And what are they getting?
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A Shameful Thing

Hollywood, November 1, 2014, 8:15 a.m. P.D.T.
Hollywood, November 1, 2014, 8:15 a.m. P.D.T.
The second redacted report from Steve Seyler to the Joint Security Committee of the Hollywood Entertainment District BID and the Sunset-Vine BID is available here. I don’t actually feel equal to the task of describing in serious terms how upsetting this material is, but I’m going to try my best to match the gravity of the subject.

Steve’s narratives of the homeless people of Hollywood lack any consciousness of the fact that these are human beings with human lives that he’s dealing with. They have no power, no voice, no property, they have nothing. They are harried and tormented by Steve’s Andrews International Security guards. It’s not enough that Steve’s guards scream at and arrest the homeless for activities which are not only lawful but completely normal if done in a house: sleeping, sitting, urination, defecation, but he mocks them with epithets and has them photographed like trophy animals in the process.

His reports betray no evidence of compassion or even a basic understanding of the fact that these people are homeless as the result of social processes beyond anyone’s control. Instead he fills his reports with self-serving anecdotes about his horror-movie-boyscout guards helping blind men across the street and buying hungry people pizza interspersed with immature jokes about shit on the streets and illicit vodka. Is he unaware that his ordained purpose is not helping and saving but moving homeless people out of the steamroller path of businessmen and their plans for tourism and development? He can’t possibly be, which makes his pretense and his weird antics even more disturbing.

And the members of the Joint Security Committee, who have evidently received these reports for years without either seeing how disgusting they are or putting an end to them (if only for the sake of public image) are as guilty or more so. It’s plausible that Steve can’t help the fact that he’s a bully-boy who ended up with too much power for anyone’s good, but Kerry Morrison at least seems like a decent, kind person. I can’t believe she hasn’t seen how bad this is. Certainly the LAPD, LASD, and City Attorney’s Office liasons to the BID ought to know better; they’re professionals. Real police don’t act like this (at least not in public). It’s a shameful thing.
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Irigoyen/Malick: A Wish Comes True!

John Irigoyen not only defuses mentally unstable homeless situations, he also gives them a pony!
John Irigoyen not only defuses mentally unstable homeless situations, he also gives them a pony!
You can listen to the following words of wisdom, from John Irigoyen’s security report to the Hollywood Media District BID at their meeting on October 23, 2014, concerning the situation described in our first post right here. This is a small part of that report along with a comment by Mike Malick at the end.1

John Irigoyen: And last but least, a little disturbing but, you know, [unintelligible] and unfortunately because somebody made a complaint about my officers harrassing somebody my company got involved did a thorough investigation [unintelligible] did not see anything wrong [unintelligible] I’m still standing [unintelligible] my officers [unintelligible] for right now that’s my report. [unintelligible] any questions?
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