Andrews International BID Patrol: Welcome to Hollywood, Now Fuck You!

According to Andrews International, BID Patrol officers "are demonstrating what can be accomplished through sensitivity, compassion, and proactive outreach."  In other words, Fuck you!
According to Andrews International, BID Patrol officers “are demonstrating what can be accomplished through sensitivity, compassion, and proactive outreach.” In other words, Fuck you!
According to Andrews International:

[B]udgetary constraints leave local police little choice but to focus primarily on reactive enforcement, [but] CAPS officers have the resources and support to actually serve as agents of change in the community. In partnership with law enforcement and assisted by community interest groups, social services agencies, and local businesses, CAPS officers focus on bridge building and problem solving.

Note that “CAPS officers” are how Andrews International refers to BID Patrollies when they’re trying to bullshit their way into more work like they do for the HPOA. And just look at the BID Patrol guy to your right, serving as an agent of change in the community, building bridges, solving problems!
A BID Patrol officer serving as an agent of change in the community, building bridges, solving problems.  In other words, Fuck you!
A BID Patrol officer serving as an agent of change in the community, building bridges, solving problems. In other words, Fuck you!
And they’re not just flipping off one another back in BID Patrol secret headquarters during their weirdo macho team-building rituals, they’re out on the street, arresting people for things that aren’t crimes in sane places, like drinking beer on the street, and flipping off their victims, too.

Like many of the more sadistic police officers,1 the BID Patrollies hate their victims. Not because, as one often hears, they’re a threat to public order or civic decency or whatever, but because their victims have seen their shameful sadism, their anger, their violence. People hate people who’ve seen them doing shameful things. Deep down the BID Patrollies are ashamed of themselves, so they hate people who’ve seen their sadism exposed. It’s only human. But really, why do they have to lie about it? Why does Steve Seyler, in his reports to the BIDs, have to blether on about “building rapport”2 when what he really means, as the visual evidence of his minions makes utterly, transparently, clear is “FUCK YOU!”

  1. Both the BID Patrol and the HPOA deny that BID Patrollies are police officers. They claim that they have no more power to enforce the law than does any citizen. This is clearly a lie, even though it’s true in some meaningless technical sense. You could prove conclusively that it’s a lie by strapping on a loaded pistol and going to a BID meeting and trying to handcuff and arrest a Board member the next time they violate The Brown Act, but, for your own safety, we don’t recommend it.
  2. “Rapport” is one of Commander Steve’s favorite words. As far as we can see it has something to do with bopping homeless people on the head and then mocking them. As Albert Einstein once said, “When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”3
  3. OK, it was Humpty Dumpty who said it. So kill us.

Images of ultra-professional BID Patrol officer are public records, obtained from the HPOA under the California Public Records Act. A full-size version of the first image is here.

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