Our correspondent hasn’t been to the Joint Security Committee of the HPOA and the CHC in a long time, but we do miss his reports; that’s where the real crazy happens. You can watch last Thursday’s meeting in its entirety and we’ll be presenting a few different selections from it over the next few days. Tonight’s little jewel has to do with the unknown LA County Sheriff’s Deputy whose picture is presently gracing your screen somewhere near this sentence. No one could understand his name when he announced it during the introductions, which is unfortunate because blasting the personal identity of ham-fisted babbling Sarah-Palin-wannabe cheese eaters like this genius all over the internet in close Google-cinity of their carefully transcribed moronic pronouncements is kind of this blog’s whole raison d’être and stuff. But ’twas not to be.

Anyway, listen and learn as he moves from one nonsensical bit of jibber-jabber to the next, playing into the delusional terrors of his zillionaire audience like a master baiter plays into the appetites of a trout in a stream. As always a full transcription appears at the end of the post.

We have two areas of concern on both sides of your BID. We have the Westlake MacArthur end. We have an increase in gang activity, and that’s directly related to the illegal vending that is being allowed to occur.

For some reason the zillionaire white power elite of this City equates street vending and gangs. It’s hard to tell at this point if the cops made up this story or the zillionaires made it up, but by now they both spout off about it for any reason or no reason whatsoever. There’s more on this below.

The reason why the crimes occur at that particular station is the circus that exists down there. When we used to have the ability to disperse vendors so that they weren’t there all the time we had no crime in that particular station.

You read that right. Until the City agreed to stop arresting street vendors around MacArthur Park there was actually no crime at all in the Westlake/MacArthur Park Red Line station. And how much crime is there now, Officer Genius?

I can tell you that over the past month we averaged a ridership of about 3.9 million people and we had 30 documented crimes. Which is rather low. For the system itself.
That’s for the whole Metro rail system. That’s right. Thirty crimes in 3.9 million boardings. For. The. Whole. Metro. System. This is a rounding error away from zero, ZERO, crimes. And yet here’s Officer Genius saying that street vendors are the sole and only cause of the essentially zero crime in the MacArthur Park Station. But what nonexistent crime there is, it’s the street vendors’ fault. OK. Enough of that. Now see how it’s also Jose Huizar’s fault:

Since then Metro is working with Councilman Huizar’s office and trying to establish some parameters for vendors to lawfully, I guess, [unintelligible] lawfully illegally vend on Metro property, because it’s still illegal in the City of Los Angeles. They’re trying to come up with some solution for that. We don’t know how it’s gonna work out, but we have a tremendous issue with that right there.

This is typical cop sarcasm here: “lawfully illegally.” See how cleverly he drew your attention to the putative contradiction in Jose Huizar’s thinking, “because it’s still illegal in the City of Los Angeles?” Here’s a little civics lesson, deputy: street vending is illegal in the City of Los Angeles because some previous City Council made it illegal. The present City Council can make it legal if they want to. Also, the City Council controls the police¹ and not the other way around. It’s perfectly normal for them to tell the police to stop enforcing laws while they decide what to do about revising them. They do this all the time.

And as if there aren’t enough geniuses in the room already, Ms. Kerry Morrison interrupts at this point:“Is that because they’re renting spaces, or how does the gang…” No one here knows where this fantasy of gangs renting spaces to street vendors originated. This letter from self-proclaimed downtown resident Dawn Davis from November 2014 has what is currently its earliest known appearance in print, and she attributes it to the LAPD:

Having recently completed the 11-week LAPD Central Division Citizens Academy, I have learned from LAPD Officers that focus on these illegal street vendors, that more often than not, money the vendors make is (1) supporting gang activities or (2) the vendors are working as indentured servants to pay their ‘coyotes’ – payment of which may never be made in full.

It’s entirely plausible that the LAPD made this up and that Kerry Morrison is just feeding the cops back their own lies as some kind of zillionaire bonding ritual, but, as with all of these pearl-clutching frenzied white supremacist Just So stories, it’s impossible to tell at this point. But just remember, next time you buy a danger dog you’re supporting gangs and human trafficking. Because they’re not making enough money from meth and home invasions. They also have to take their cut of the illegal pupusa trade at MacArthur Park Station. Sheesh… Anyway, back to Officer Genius, who has an example for Kerry Morrison:

They feud with each other. They do different things. There was a male black gentleman who was very…if he sat in this meeting he’d think he had valid, very good information to put forth for these things. He just went up and he shot his neighbor, so I don’t know if they took him into custody. I don’t know if this was related to vending or if this was a personal thing.

She asked about gangs extorting money from vendors, and he comes back with an example of a “male black gentleman”² who shot somebody.³ And, since street vendors are responsible for all crime, and since he’s responding to a comment of Kerry Morrison’s about street vending, naturally this is related to…wait, what: “I don’t know if this was related to vending or if this was a personal thing.”

But more importantly Officer Genius has an explanation for the whole problem of street-vendor-induced crime at Westlake MacArthur Park Station: “It’s the equivalent of putting too many animals in one cage. You’re gonna have this issue.” Right. He really said that. Watch him say it here. We actually don’t have anything more to add to that. Even if they don’t teach them in cop school not to think stuff like that, we’d thought they taught them not to say it. Guess not.

And what’s going to the North of the BID, Officer Genius? Human trafficking:

The other issue on the other end of the BID, North Hollywood, Orange Line and Red Line, we’re right next door to each other up there and I work with Sergeant Roland up there a lot, dealing with the issues that we have. We have a gang issue that promulgates up there on that particular platform. We had a human trafficking operation that went on up there. We do have human trafficking that occurs on the property up there. We have pandering that goes on.

We go through North Hollywood all the time. Three times in the last week. In the morning, in the afternoon, late at night. The amount of human trafficking and pandering we’ve seen? None. Of course, human trafficking and pandering are crimes, and there were only 30 crimes in the whole system last month. One of them was a shooting at MacArthur Park station, which leaves at most 29 instances of human trafficking and/or pandering at North Hollywood Station, so we guess it’s not surprising we missed it. But then, Officer Genius, why bring it up in the first place? Perhaps you’re doing a little pandering of your own although not, as far as we can tell from the facts before us, the illegal kind. And who’s doing all this crime?

We have things that people from as far away as South L.A. drive up to be in that particular area because there’s a market to peddle their goods and do what they do.

How far is South L.A. that it should be described with the epithet “as far away as”? Well, South L.A. is a big place, but Leimert Park is one of its spiritual centers, and it’s about 19 miles. We don’t know where Officer Genius lives, but we do know that Andrews International Vice President Bill Farrar, the back of whose head appears somewhere near this sentence, lives as far away as Santa Clarita, from whence he drives 27 miles to Hollywood each day so he can peddle his goods and do what he does. We even know that BID Patrol boss man Steve Seyler lives as far away as freaking Simi Valley, from whence he drives 36 miles every day to peddle his goods and do what he does, which is overseeing his ongoing criminal conspiracy. Twice as far as the gang members. What does it all mean?

Well, Bill Humphrey, SVBID Board member, will explain it all to you:

That’s just startling to me, cause I go to New York a lot and you don’t see any of that. [unintelligible] huge subway, and you never see that kind of activity…they’re just going out of trains and it’s just people going in and out of trains and I don’t know what the difference is.

Here’s what this means: For whatever reason, zillionaires in New York ride the subway. So when Mr. Bill Humphrey goes to New York, he also rides the subway. The subway in Los Angeles is about like the subway in New York. It’s “just people going in and out of trains” But he’s never been on the subway here or he’d realize he was being lied to by a cop. But the cop has an explanation:

SoCal dynamics are different. Okay? We live in an area, I mean, for instance, our Blue Line train runs through every gang-infested area that you can imagine. And a lot of these people utilize public transportation legally and lawfully to go from one place to another to do what they’re gonna do. In some cases they don’t. We don’t have a huge problem with crimes, like I say, on the trains, which is…it’s a blessing for us, but it’s also…it is what it is. It is getting worse.

NO WONDER THESE PEOPLE ARE TERRIFIED!! “These people⁴ utilize public transportation legally and lawfully to go from one place to another to do what they’re gonna do.” That is terrifying. It’s also what public transportation is intended for. Of course, this is the age-old argument against public transportation to the West Side: that criminals will ride the trains to zillionaireville, steal expensive stuff, and ride the train home. This argument and a lot of really stupid, and now really regretful, rich people is why we didn’t have a train to the ocean until May 2016, and even then morons brought up the tired, discredited issue yet again.
And this is bad because, Officer Genius? Oh, right:

We don’t have a huge problem with crimes, like I say, on the trains, which is…it’s a blessing for us, but it’s also…it is what it is.

And why is this happening? We thought it was the street vendors, but it turns out not:

It is getting worse. Prop 47 has changed the dynamics of our in-custody population. We have seen a huge uptick in our population on the system.

This is an ideal time to announce a new editorial policy here at MK.org. Whenever a cop blames nonexistent crime on Prop 47 we sign off. Until next time, compadres y comadres!

P.s. OK, there’s one more thing. Officer Genius wants us to know that actual licensed social workers from the Department of Mental Health actually get in the way of Sheriff’s deputies diagnosing people as crazy. The DMH folks make it harder to get crazy people locked up because they have different criteria for what’s crazy. Here’s what’s crazy, Officer Genius…it’s you:

These are deputies who are assigned with Department of Mental Health workers. They’re on our system. They have compiled a list of hundreds of names of people who’ve been contacted. And not only provide services for them, but to keep in touch with to ascertain how they’re doing. They know the indigenous areas that they’re at, they provide services for them. The bulk of the people are reluctant to get any services done. They don’t meet the criteria for 5150. So while we see a lot of people acting crazy sometimes, rising to the level of that criteria, especially when you have Department of Mental Health workers with you, and what we construe as crazy is two different things. So we have that dynamic.

Here’s the whole thing:

Unknown Sheriff’s Deputy: We have two areas of concern on both sides of your BID. We have the Westlake MacArthur end. We have an increase in gang activity, and that’s directly related to the illegal vending that is being allowed to occur. We have two gang sets that are down there, the Crazy Riders, the Crazy Riders have extended the ability for Hoover’s Crips [sic] to kind of sell dope on the property that we work, our crimes down there. The reason why the crimes occur at that particular station is the circus that exists down there. When we used to have the ability to disperse vendors so that they weren’t there all the time we had no crime in that particular station. Since then Metro is working with Councilman Huizar’s office and trying to establish some parameters for vendors to lawfully, I guess, [unintelligible] lawfully illegally vend on Metro property, because it’s still illegal in the City of Los Angeles. They’re trying to come up with some solution for that. We don’t know how it’s gonna work out, but we have a tremendous issue with that right there.

KM: Is that because they’re renting spaces, or how does the gang…

USD: They feud with each other. They do different things. There was a male black gentleman who was very…if he sat in this meeting he’d think he had valid, very good information to put forth for these things. He just went up and he shot his neighbor, so I don’t know if they took him into custody. I don’t know if this was related to vending or if this was a personal thing. We’re still trying to get a picture on that. It just happens. It’s the equivalent of putting too many animals in one cage. You’re gonna have this issue. You know, it’s [unintelligible]. The other issue on the other end of the BID, North Hollywood, Orange Line and Red Line, we’re right next door to each other up there and I work with Sergeant Roland up there a lot, dealing with the issues that we have. We have a gang issue that promulgates up there on that particular platform. We had a human trafficking operation that went on up there. We do have human trafficking that occurs on the property up there. We have pandering that goes on. We have things that people from as far away as South L.A. drive up to be in that particular area because there’s a market to peddle their goods and do what they do. So that’s on both ends. It doesn’t necessarily affect your BID as much, but just to give you an idea of what’s going on as far as an overview.

BILL HUMPHREY: That’s just startling to me, cause I go to New York a lot and you don’t see any of that. [unintelligible] huge subway, and you never see that kind of activity…they’re just going out of trains and it’s just people going in and out of trains and I don’t know what the difference is.

USD: SoCal dynamics are different. Okay? We live in an area, I mean, for instance, our Blue Line train runs through every gang-infested area that you can imagine. And a lot of these people utilize public transportation legally and lawfully to go from one place to another to do what they’re gonna do. In some cases they don’t. We don’t have a huge problem with crimes, like I say, on the trains, which is…it’s a blessing for us, but it’s also…it is what it is. It is getting worse. Prop 47 has changed the dynamics of our in-custody population. We have seen a huge uptick in our population on the system. We definitely have seen a huge uptick in our uses of force related to taking people off the trains, getting people into custody. It’s amazing how many times we have multiple officers involved in apprehending somebody who’s resisting for a really insignificant charge. In addition to what I mentioned with the two teams who are out there we also have four full-time dedicated crisis response units. These are deputies who are assigned with Department of Mental Health workers. They’re on our system. They have compiled a list of hundreds of names of people who’ve been contacted. And not only provide services for them, but to keep in touch with to ascertain how they’re doing. They know the indigenous areas that they’re at, they provide services for them. The bulk of the people are reluctant to get any services done. They don’t meet the criteria for 5150. So while we see a lot of people acting crazy sometimes, rising to the level of that criteria, especially when you have Department of Mental Health workers with you, and what we construe as crazy is two different things. So we have that dynamic.

Image of Officer Genius is ©2016 MichaelKohlhaas.org as is the image of the yummy MacArthur Park street fries. Image of rats is via Wikimedia and licensing information is available there. Same with the image of North Hollywood Station. Image of Bill Humphrey is a public record.

1. Although I admit they don’t control the Sheriff, who has jurisdiction over Metro stops due to some weird technicality, but we suppose the Sheriff has to enforce LA City laws when operating in the City of LA.
2. If the turn of phrase “male black gentleman” strikes you as atavistically racist, you’ve not alone. For confirmation that this is a reasonable interpretation, see below, where Officer Genius refers to Blue-Line-adjacent residents as “these people.” If any of “these people” had been in the room, there’s little doubt that he would have addressed them as “you people.”
3. If you can’t understand the part about this MBG sitting in the Joint Security Meeting you’re not alone. We all read it separately and then read it together. We listened to it on the recording about a zillion times. No one has the first idea what Officer Genius is talking about. Drop us a line if you can decipher this little id-eruption.
4. No. Just no.