You Know Those Proclamations From The City Of Los Angeles That Hyperconnected Zillionaires Like Laurie Goldman All Hang On Their Office Walls? — Well, Here’s How You Get One! — Have Your Minions Ask The Mayor’s Staff — Be Sure To Call Him MEG Cause That’s What The In-Crowd Calls Him! — And Two Days Later Go Pick Up The Proclamation! — Did I Mention Your Minions Have To Write The Damn Thing? — Don’t Have Any Minions? — No Proclamation For You!!

The proclamations! You’ve probably seen them hanging on the walls of people’s offices, they’re in famous restaurants, like e.g. Musso and Frank has one, The Pantry has one, and so on. Here’s a nice picture of one. Well, here I am, hanging around this City more or less continuously since 1963 and I never knew, never even wondered, where or they came from or why.1 Amazingly, though, in a set of records recently handed over by the Media District BID,2 all was revealed!

Here’s the process, at least as it pertains to the office of the Mayor. First, have your minion email Yolanda Flores at y.flores@lacity.org. She’s actually his staffie in charge of proclamations! Don’t forget to refer to her boss as MEG, which is evidently what the cool kids call him! After she gives you the nod, have your minion write the damn proclamation! That’s it, you can pick it up next Thursday!

Does it seem too simple? Don’t believe it’s that easy? Can’t credit that actual3 grownups call the guy MEG with a straight face? Want to read the genuine one-and-only proclamation that unreconstructed criminal Lisa Schechter of the Media District BID wrote for former president Laurie Goldman that was subsequently issued by MEG? See the emails by means of which the whole mishegoss was arranged? Well, what are you waiting for?! Turn the damn page!!

So here’s how the deal went down. On January 23, 2018, Media District BID executive directrix Lisa Schechter sent an email to Yolanda Flores, who is Eric Garcetti’s staff member in charge of proclamations, and here is what it said:

Subject: Request Certificate from MEG – Congratulations
From: Lisa Schechter <lisa@mediadistrict.org>
Date: 01/23/2018 04:29 PM
To: Yolanda Flores <y.flores@lacity.org>
Dear Yolanda:
I would like to request a certificate of congratulation for our Board President, Laurie Goldman. I know that this is short notice but I would need to pick it up on Thursday morning before noon. Can you help me ? I can send over some text.

Please advise

Thank you

Lisa Schechter
Executive Director
Hollywood Media District BID

And the very next morning bright and early Yolanda Flores answered Lisa Schechter in the best possible way:

Subject: Re: Request Certificate from MEG – Congratulations
From: Yolanda Flores <y.flores@lacity.org>
Date: 01/24/2018 09:06 AM
To: Lisa Schechter <lisa@mediadistrict.org>
Sure – have you got suggested wording??? And you want it dated Jan 25?

And back and forth they discussed the matter:

On Wed, Jan 24, 2018 at 9:48 AM, Lisa Schechter <lisa@mediadistrict.org> wrote:

Yes and Yes. I will work on the wording shortly and get back to you. Make it pretty!


From: Yolanda Flores <y.flores@lacity.org>
Date: Wednesday, January 24, 2018 at 12:47 PM
To: Lisa Schechter <lisa@mediadistrict.org>
Subject: Re: Request Certificate from MEG – Congratulations

On behalf of the city of los angeles, I am pleased to join the __________ as they honor and give recognition to you on this momentous occasion of your _______ I congratulate you on your many years of distinguished service and achievement in public service. The City’s greatest strength lies in the diversity of our families and the commitment of persons like yourself to be a part of our extraordinary future. Your patronage has been of great value to intensify community spirit and enhance the lives of all Angelenos to make Los Angeles a great place in which to live.


Subject: Re: Request Certificate from MEG – Congratulations
From: Lisa Schechter <lisa@mediadistrict.org>
Date: 01/24/2018 01:54 PM
To: Yolanda Flores <y.flores@lacity.org>

Here you go. I have attached the copy for the proclamation. Its been a long time since working on these. Let me know

Your [sic] the best!

Lisa Schechter
Executive Director
Hollywood Media District BID

And you will find the actual text of the actual proclamation transcribed below! And you know what gives me hope for the future of the City? Well, it’s the fact that over the years Laurie Goldman has given MEG $3,150 in campaign contributions and everyone involved in this transaction had the dignity and the taste not to mention it out loud. If our City government is going to be corrupt, and it IS going to be corrupt, well then, we’re lucky to have it be corrupt with some dignity and some taste!

And to close, you may well be wondering what is the approved method of zillionaires and the minions of zillionaires for thanking Proclamation Boss Yolanda Flores after she successfully manages your proclamation bestowal? Well, it’s explained in this ex post facto email chain right here. You get her a candle! And you make sure the scent is DELICIOUS!!


WHEREAS, Laurie L. Goldman is a native Angelino;
[sic] and

WHEREAS, Laurie L. Goldman’s Hollywood journey began 6 months of age, when her parents first took her the Musso & Frank Grill; and

WHEREAS, many family milestones and special occasions were celebrated at Musso’s or the Brown Derby. Movies continue to be an obsession in the Goldman family. Laurie eagerly awaited the family outing to see a movie at Grauman’s Chinese or Egyptian Theatre. In those days, Hollywood Boulevard had more than 9 theatres from which to choose; and

WHEREAS, as a child growing up on Orange Grove Avenue, Laurie and her friends spent their Saturdays taking the 84 bus up to the Boulevard. There was so much to do and to see – – the Boulevard provided an unparalleled adventure. A day in Hollywood always ended with an ice cream at CC Brown’s; and

WHEREAS, Laurie attended Bancroft Middle School and Fairfax High School; and

WHEREAS, as a senior at Fairfax High School Laurie was B12 Class President, Year Book staff member 1969/1970, and voted by her high school peers as best dresser and one who was a leader; and

WHEREAS, Laurie’s favorite Hollywood memory would be seeing The Beatles at the Hollywood Bowl in 1964; and

WHEREAS, for more than 40 years, Laurie L. Goldman has worked tirelessly as a volunteer in Hollywood to effect positive change; and

WHEREAS, in 2003, Laurie Goldman would form the GO! Goldman Organization and she would become active in community outreach by holding leadership position at the Hollywood Chamber as well as Central Hollywood Neighborhood Council; and

WHEREAS, from her community advocacy to her charitable nonprofit work to her current passion to build a 38-acre street level park on top of the 101 Freeway, Laurie is a life force, epitomizing community spirit through her selfless contributions to the community; and

WHEREAS, throughout Hollywood, there are organizations such as the Hollywood Media District Property Owners Association that Laurie has demonstrated her tireless leadership, enthusiasm and steadfast determination; and

WHEREAS, in 2016, Laurie would become President of the Hollywood Media Business Improvement District; and

WHEREAS, during her tenure as President of the BID, Laurie successfully: collected past due State of California assessments in the amount of $163,000, created new Bylaws, formed a new committee structure, created new policies and parliamentary procedures, contracted a new security company, as well as hosted first BID retreat; and

WHEREAS, Goldman has various projects at the BID in process as such: Highland Medians, new traffic signal at Santa Monica/Seward, launch of the new BID website, Theatre Row Medallions, Early Renewal, and BID Specific Plan – just to name a few; and

WHEREAS, Laurie L. Goldman’s leadership has revitalized this area of Hollywood as well as the BID Board; and

THEREFORE, on behalf of the City of Los Angeles, I am pleased to join the Hollywood Media District Property Owners Association as they honor and give recognition to Laurie L. Goldman on this momentous occasion. I congratulate Laurie for her years of distinguished service and achievement in public service.

The City’s greatest strength lies in the diversity of our families and the commitment of persons like Laurie Goldman to be a part of our extraordinary future.

Your patronage has been of great value to intensify community spirit and enhance the live of all Angelenos to make Los Angeles a great place to live, work, and play.


Image of MEG and Laurie Goldman is ©2018 MichaelKohlhaas.Org. It’s a modified version of this little slice of dumpty-doo.

  1. After all, as Blaise Pascal might have said about our fair City, zillionaires have their reasons that reason knoweth not.
  2. This is part of a larger request, not yet close to being complete. For now I’m waiting until I get everything before publishing the lot, although if Hollywood superlawyer Jeffrey Charles Briggs, this blog’s biggest fan, continues to carry on in his habitually law-flouting wanna-be-disbarred-soonest manner I may change my plans there.
  3. Putative.
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