Our faithful correspondent, walking north on Vine Street early this morning, noticed that a jacaranda tree, individually one of the most favored targets of the BID bête noire locally known as the Vine Street tree vandal, was not only newly revandalized but that its wooden support apparatus² was also, for the first time in our experience, destroyed as well. Is it a coincidence that the vandalized tree is right in front of jittery little psychopath Carol Massie’s McDonald’s at the corner of DeLongpre and Vine?

This is interesting because the June agenda of the Sunset-Vine BID Board meeting contains an item benamed “Tree Vandal Court Hearing.” Unfortunately our correspondent, beset with vexatious responsibilities, was not able to attend this meeting, so we don’t know what this item’s about. However, if they think they caught the tree vandal, either they’re wrong or he’s not only not in custody pending trial but is still active. Or, as we’ve suggested in the past, there’s not a single vandal but an incipient uprising stirring in Hollywood. Only time will tell, but the tree problems continue.

1. One of the BID-haviours that drives us literally crazy³ is their unthinking overuse of cop terminology. “Apprehended,” “individual,” and so on. Kerry Morrison, as is her wont, habitually takes it to a whole nother level by adding a bunch of militarisms to the mix, like “hardening the target,” and so on. We’re not at war here, folks.
2. We are sure that, like everything other entry in the exhaustively systematical classificatory ontology of this sweet old world, there’s a term of art for these poles, but we’ll be damned if we know what it is.
3. Literally more crazy than the exemplified use of the poor, abused word “literally,” which we’re mocking here purely by employing it, the usage being essentially self-mocking.

Image of the Vine Street tree vandal’s criminality and antisociality is ©2015 MichaelKohlhaas.org.