Red-Cheeked, Tin-Eared, Wooden-Headed Hollywood Congressguy Adam Schiff Stereotypically Calls Loudly for Neighbor to Remove Proverbial Mote While Ignoring Proverbial Beam

Adam Schiff... and you thought we were being fricking hyperbolic about the make-up.  Guess not, eh?
Adam Schiff… and you thought we were being fricking hyperbolic about the make-up. Guess not, eh?
Everybody in the whole world is doing pope stories. We’re listening to KNX on the way to work yesterday morning and they got traffic on the 5’s and the freaking pope on the 3’s, 7’s, and 9’s. It occurs to us that we’re good and goddamned sick of marching to the beat of a different drummer.1 Thus we resolved to fricking fit in for once and do a pope post. We’re following the herd and we bleating like it! But what to write about the pope, then? Oh, yes! Adam Schiff, make-up wearing congressional fellow from Hollywood, is ready at hand with a subject!

We don't usually care for these, what do you call 'em, memes, but we're doing a post on the freaking pope, so obviously our standards are on hold for tonight.
We don’t usually care for these, what do you call ’em, memes, but we’re doing a post on the freaking pope, so obviously our standards are on hold for tonight.
See, just yesterday Adam Schiff, for reasons known only to about two of the three consisting of God, himself, and his press secretary, decided that he was going to nominate the pope for the Nobel Peace Prize. Why he wanna do that, you ask? Well, as Adam’s speech-writer so adroitly explains, it’s because “Pope Francis truly talks to the entire world community—not just his flock—exhorting all of us to treat each other as brothers and sisters, rather than separate and distinct communities with interests that don’t transcend our differences.”

Fine. We’re also in favor of that. Evidently Pope Francis wants “…more politicians who are genuinely disturbed by..the lives of the poor.” Are you one of them, Adam? When you’re up there talking about how great the pope is because he’s exhorting us to love one another like freaking hippies in a pile under a tarp, do you remember how your staffie jumped right in to help Kerry Morrison harden targets against a bunch of helpless homeless people on Vine Street?

Jesus contemplating Adam Schiff's nomination of the pope for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jesus contemplating Adam Schiff’s nomination of the pope for the Nobel Peace Prize.

We don’t pretend to know what the pope’s talking about when he talks about love, but we are pretty sure that it’s got something to do with Jesus. Remember Jesus, Adam? He was this homeless guy who had an awful lot of targets and hearts hardened against him. He said this famous thing about how actions speak louder than bullshit about the pope. And that is the end of MK.org’s one and only pope post ever.


Get your red-hot pope meme from Flickr, where it was placed by Devendra Makkar and released under a CC BY-SA 2.0. Adam Schiff picture is a work of the Federal Gummint and as such ain’t subject to no goddamned copyright no how, no way. Picture of Jesus via Flickr, where it was released under a CC BY-ND 2.0 by its creator tonystl.

  1. “Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” — Albert Einstein. Kidding! Henry David Thoreau in Walden. Sigh… it meant so much to us when we were young. Now, nothing. Like watching a magician long after you know how the trick works. A nice turn of phrase, anyway.

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