Greetings, friends on the internet!! I do a lot of work behind the scenes here at MK.org but this is my first post. I do not plan to make a habit of it.

I do not know if you know about Alexa.Com. They are the premier website ranking service, and if you care you can read all about it on Wikipedia. This week, for the first time, the Alexa ranking of your heroes, MichaelKohlhaas.org, surpassed the Alexa ranking of your zeroes, the Hollywood Property Owners Alliance at OnlyInHollywood.Org.¹ We are number 657,525 in the U.S. and they are number 682,470. Here are live links and screenshots:²

• Alexa rank for MichaelKohlhaas.Org. It is 657,525 in the U.S. at this writing. Here is a screenshot.
• Alexa rank for OnlyInHollywood.Org. It is 682,470 in the U.S. at this writing. Here is a screenshot.

To put this in some context, an internet random who can create a plausible appearance of competence³ once opined on Quora that there are about 378 million websites in the U.S. So the HPOA and we are both in the top 0.2%. Clearly, though, the American people are beginning to see business improvement districts for the politically corrupt criminal conspiracies that they are, and they are learning the details right here on this website! Also notice that we are going up up up and they are going down down down!!⁴ To paraphrase our hero, Peter Pan, How clever we are! Oh, the cleverness of we!

That is the fabulous news!! And you can read below the fold for a discussion of our world rankings and more jokes about Nazis and BIDs.

You might have noticed a couple other things in those Alexa rankings. First, the HPOA is way more highly ranked in the world than we are. They are number 2,522,399 whereas we are only 4,630,498. If you look at the actual Alexa webpages you will see that 100% of our visitors come from the United States whereas only 51% of theirs do. We held an editorial conference this morning to discuss this mysterious fact. Why do a bunch of foreigners and Canadians care about the website of a totalitarian little BID in Los Angeles? Well, after many hours of discussion, we came to the entirely unsupported but still almost certainly accurate conclusion that the 49% of the HPOA’s audience that is not from here is probably from Germany, where they are looking for tips on how to regain some of their former glory without running afoul of their country’s restrictions on such matters. According to this morning’s LA Times, this is a thing. Of course, how to do this is one of the main topics discussed at international BID conferences.⁵

Anyway, that is the news on this fine cloudy Hollywood morning. We are now going to reconvene our MK.Org editorial conference over at the Waffle, where we will toast confusion to our enemies!! with some bottomless mimosas. Maybe we will see you there!

Image of Mary Martin playing Peter Pan is via Wikimedia.

1. In case you are wondering why we always link to Wayback Machine archived sites of our enemies, it is for two reasons. First because as we gradually overcome our enemies, their websites can be expected to disappear, whereas we are writing for eternity. Second because live links to their sites increases their Alexa Rank!
2. Necessary because rankings will change, and, shudder, they might temporarily surpass us at some point in the future. It is kind of like how stars get really really bright just before they poof out into cold darkness.
3. That is how everyone here at MK.Org will describe ourselves, so it is not an insult.
4. Those are technical terms in the field of search engine optimization. A lot of SEO companies charge by the “up.” We have three!!
5. Oh friends! They do have them.