Tag Archives: Sarcasm

City of Los Angeles Files Singularly Unconvincing Response in Support of its Own Motion to Dismiss Venice Justice Committee Lawsuit; (Sarcastically?) Suggests Protestors Would be Better Off Speaking at Neighborhood Council than Leafletting on Boardwalk

Expressive activity on the Venice Boardwalk.
Expressive activity on the Venice Boardwalk.
Tonight the City of Los Angeles filed a reply in support of its motion to dismiss the lawsuit filed in February by the Venice Justice Committee. Recall that the motion to dismiss was filed in June and last week the plaintiffs responded to that motion, noting among other things that Abbott Kinney gave the Boardwalk to the City for use as a public sidewalk in perpetuity.

This makes the City’s repeated assertion throughout tonight’s filing that the Boardwalk is a public park particularly galling. If it’s an error, it’s careless beyond belief. The principle of charity compels me to assume it’s more of the dark sarcasm so favored by Feuer’s minions. They just don’t give a fuck, and why should they? They probably already have the million dollar payout to Carol Sobel budgeted for. But I’m getting ahead of the story.
Continue reading City of Los Angeles Files Singularly Unconvincing Response in Support of its Own Motion to Dismiss Venice Justice Committee Lawsuit; (Sarcastically?) Suggests Protestors Would be Better Off Speaking at Neighborhood Council than Leafletting on Boardwalk

30 Year Police Veteran Longs for the Good Old Days of Beating, Killing, Perjury, Free Cocaine, Doing the Job Without Being Undermined by Governments, Second-Guessed by Whiny Baby Liberals

We didn't catch this guy's name, but we sure did catch his white privilege rage rant...
We didn’t catch this guy’s name, but we sure did catch his white privilege boo-hoo-hoo swelling violins rage rant pity party nostalgia speech…
We’ve written before about the cataclysmic flood of white privilege rage rants unleashed by Fabio Conti’s cri de coeur for the BID Patrol to stop coddling the homeless and start, we don’t know, killing them or whatever it takes to get them out of Hollywood, and the present post concerns yet another boulder in that avalanche of angst. We’re going to comment on the unnamed white privilege rage ranter’s rant (you can see the fellow’s picture somewhere in the vicinity of this sentence) one line at a time. You can read his whole speech after the break and watch it here if you’re so inclined.

…our effort to clean up the neighborhood is kinda like salmon swimming upstream.

No. First of all, salmon swimming upstream are beautiful, delicious, and nutritious. You people in the BID are none of these things. Second, you’re not trying to “clean up the neighborhood,” you’re trying to ethnically cleanse the neighborhood.

Salmon swimming upstream are beautiful, nutritious, and delicious.  The BID Patrol is none of these things, izzit?
Salmon swimming upstream are beautiful, nutritious, and delicious. The BID Patrol is none of these things, innit?
One is at least plausibly laudable. The other is a violation of the United Nations Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide. Also, your metaphor is deeply flawed. Salmon like swimming upstream. It’s what they’re born to do. It’s the crowning glory of their lives. They surely, if they could speak, wouldn’t be whining about it.

You know, we have the state and the city working against us by allowing people to sleep on the sidewalk, you know, all night long, because it’s the humane thing to do.

No. The state and the city are not allowing anyone to sleep on the sidewalk because it’s humane. The state doesn’t have the first thing to do with municipal laws and the city has been FORCED by the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit in its landmark decision Jones v. City of Los Angeles, where it found that the city’s law against sitting on the sidewalk, LAMC 41.18(d), violates the Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution. That is, it’s the Constitution of the United States that allows people to sleep on the sidewalk, Mr. Unnamed white privilege rage ranter. The city of Los Angeles fought this case every step of the way, and Charlie Beck and presumably other city officials can’t wait to start enforcing it again as soon as the terms of the settlement are met. By the way, your use of the word humane here is infelicitous; as Albert Einstein once said,1 sarcasm is the language of the Devil. Note that we’re skipping some of the technicalities of the Jones case here, but the simplified outline is true enough.
Continue reading 30 Year Police Veteran Longs for the Good Old Days of Beating, Killing, Perjury, Free Cocaine, Doing the Job Without Being Undermined by Governments, Second-Guessed by Whiny Baby Liberals

Hollywood Property Owners Alliance Schemes to Prevent Second Coming of Jesus

HPOA: Not on our watch you don't, Mr. Jesus!
HPOA: Not on our watch you don’t, Mr. Jesus!
At its October 16, 2014, meeting, the Hollywood Property Owners Alliance approved a creepy little number known as the 2014-15-WORK-PLAN-FINAL-VERSION1-1. We’ll have a lot more to say about this unfortunately-not-remarkable document in the future. Today we discuss some of its theological implications.
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You didn’t build that

640px-Los_Angeles_Panorama
When businessmen try to recreate Los Angeles from scratch they end up with some horrifying misbegotten travesty like CityWalk or Santa Monica. They don’t know how to make a real Los Angeles. If tourists knew how to make a place like this there’d be at least one out East of San Bernardino where tourists come from, and there’s not. Tourists don’t know how to make one either.
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A tale of two cities

Here’s an interesting story. A world-famous city, rich in culture and in wealth, has nevertheless some neighborhoods with undesirable inhabitants. Addicted to drugs or alcohol, mentally ill, sexually deviant in public ways, just generally offensive to good taste. The government seems neither able nor willing to deal with the problem so private citizens form self-help groups and begin discouraging the undesirables by various means. They do a pretty efficient job and before you know it the government is forming public-private partnerships and subsidizing the work of these groups. They move from strength to strength. Property values go up, business is good, they even manage to host the Olympic Games so that all the people of the world can see their stunning success. And then…
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