Well, I don’t know how I missed it, but in January of this year, notre principale raison d’écrire, the famous Ms. Kerry Morrison, in response to this now also-famous L.A. Times editorial, penned a characteristically mendacious little missive to the local paper in support of anti-creep-crusading Councildude Mitch O’Farrell’s universally reviled initiative to ban adults in playgrounds in the City of Los Angeles.

Amazingly, every sentence in this letter is a lie. Here it is, see if you can spot them all. And after the break, I’ll deconstruct this peculiar little symptom of the acute Morrisonitis now endemic in what Ms. Kerry and her weirdo minions are pleased, for reasons known only to them, to refer to as “our little hamlet.”

To the editor: Constituents have contacted O’Farrell regarding the downward spiral of the only pocket park and playground in the heart of Hollywood. Families who live in our densely populated neighborhood used to enjoy the space. Now this tiny park has become a permanent encampment during the hours it is open.

Kerry Morrison, Hollywood

• “To the editor:” — OK, I admit it, this clause isn’t a lie. But then, she didn’t write this clause. The editor did.
• “Constituents have contacted O’Farrell…” — How does Ms. Kerry Morrison know who’s contacted O’Farrell unless either she arranged for them to contact him, she’s in touch with him over this matter, she thinks that she’s a constituent, which she is not, since she lives in CD4, or some combination of these. So perhaps some of his constituents contacted Mr. Mitch about the park, but making it seem as if their contacts were some kind of motive force is a lie.
• “regarding the downward spiral” — Well, it depends how one measures downward. If you come from a place where it is considered normal to beat up and intimidate putatively undesirable people for wanting to use public property and if you yourself are the boss of a gang of heavily armed minions who spent more than eight years threatening and arresting anyone, including older children, who wanted to use Selma Park perhaps you think that the removal of the signs which you illegally arranged to have hung up in the park is an example of a downward spiral. If you’re someone who actually lives in Hollywood, who was actually prevented from using a public park thanks to the anti-civil actions of a bunch of totalitarian zillionaires, maybe not so much. Another lie.
• “of the only pocket park and playground in the heart of Hollywood” — If you define “the heart of Hollywood” to mean “the part of Hollywood that contains only this park” then I suppose this is true. But if you think of Hollywood the way actual human beings who aren’t lying do, then there is also, e.g., Yucca Park, De Longpre Park, the Hollywood Rec Center, Seily Rodriguez, Carlton Park, and some others that I’m not listing because who wants to argue with a robot about what Hollywood means?
• “Families who live in our densely populated neighborhood used to enjoy the space.” — Not unless they had children with them, they didn’t. Otherwise they used to get rousted, threatened, and arrested in the space. And what does Kerry Morrison, who lives in freaking Hancock Park, mean by “our” neighborhood? Nothing good, I’ll tell you that.
• “Now this tiny park has become a permanent encampment during the hours it is open.” — This actually just isn’t true, but it’s hard to prove. Go there some time and see for yourself. Sure, there are homeless people there. Homeless people have a right to be in a park. It can’t actually be an encampment because it’s freaking emptied and locked up at night. As another of Kerry Morrison’s Germanic dreamboys used to say, “If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself.”
• “Going there one day last week, I counted more than 20 people lying around the park. The grassy area was covered with sleeping bags and all the benches were taken.” — OK, I actually have no proof that this is a lie. But whether or not Kerry Morrison can count to twenty is an open question. This certainly doesn’t match my experience. Maybe what Kerry Morrison means here is that she kept going to the park, which is right around the corner from her office, until things looked really dire. What’s even more likely is that she sent her armed minions, the BID Patrol, to look at the park constantly and tell her how many human beings were in it. Also, Kerry Morrison has steered homeless people to the park in the past, quite probably to create talking points. It’s not at all unlikely that she’s doing the same thing now, or otherwise manipulating the data.
• “The adjacent playground was empty, despite being separated by a fence.” — That playground is always empty. It was always empty when Kerry Morrison’s illegal signs were up, keeping everyone out of the park, and it’s always empty now. Stating this fact as if it has any import whatsoever when actually it does not is a lie.
• “This tiny park can no longer be used by families and organizations that could benefit from open space.” — Yes, but Kerry, since your infernal BID hung up those signs in 2008 banning everyone from the park, families couldn’t use it unless they had small children with them, and organizations couldn’t use it at all, since an organization can’t be sensibly said to be accompanying children. The fact is, the fact was, the fact remains, that you’re all in a lather because homeless people, who are first and foremost people, can now use the park. Homeless people in the park, even organizations feeding homeless people in the park, is why you arranged to have it closed in the first place, and if you get it closed again, which is seeming increasingly impossible, it will because you hate homeless people, not because you love families or organizations.
• “I applaud O’Farrell’s efforts to meet the needs of the neighborhood. “ — Kerry Morrison is famous for talking about the neighborhood when she means her BID. They’re not the same. Not at all.
• “This is what leaders do.” — Not really. This is what money-hungry corrupt politicians do when you and your husband pay them more than $2,800 in bribes over the years. That might be what what passes for leaders do in what passes for a government in the City of Los Angeles, but it’s certainly not what leaders do.
• “Kerry Morrison, Hollywood” — See how she makes it look as if she lives in Hollywood? It’s part of the same move as her talk about “our … neighborhood.” She doesn’t live here, she doesn’t work for an organization that represents anyone who lives here. This too, the very last word in this letter full of lies, is another lie.